Welcome Home
by proudofubabe
Summary: A fluffy piece of Steph realizing her life wasn't what she wanted, and her journey to finding herself again. Babe fic!
1. The Plan

**Disclaimer: I own nothing, this is just for fun, and I'm making no money. Thank you JE for making such wonderful characters for me to play with.**

**Rating: PG-13**

**Warnings: Mild language and I'M A BABE. This started out as a challenge for Stephanie's inner dialogue. It's evolved since then. Not sure how long it will be, and it will most likely be fluffy and psycho free. Thank you Heidi for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

**The Plan**

I was never a planner. It wasn't that I didn't want to plan, or even that I didn't try at times. It was that I was more of the jump in head first kind of girl. I'd been like that my entire life. Jump and pray for a soft landing. It always went to shit. Usually I ended up smelling like garbage, or I would have a gun held to my head. Hell most of the time it was a combination of all the outcomes. And a weapon of choice was always involved. That was just a given. But that was me and it was the only me I knew how to be.

So why did I make a plan when Joe asked me to marry him a year ago? I was still trying to figure that out. I guess at the time I thought if I made a plan instead of jumping in head first for once in my life, then it couldn't possibly go to shit. I had it all worked out, basically my plan was to grow up, live my life with Joe, and get married. No more games. No more on and off. He loved me after all, and I loved him. With that love I had to compromise. Joe wanted me safe. It was only right. He shouldn't have to worry about if his future wife was dead or alive at any given moment. Nor should he have to worry once I was his wife. So I said yes, hung up my cape, told Ranger we could only be friends without dessert, quite working at Vinnie's, and put my cookie jar on Joe's kitchen counter.

The fact that it was Joe's kitchen counter should have tipped me off. I entered into the engagement with my clothes, Rex, and me. Everything was Joe's. The house was Joe's. The furniture was Joe's. The appliances I learned to cook on were Joe's. The bed we slept in was Joe's. And it was my hang up. Joe called everything ours. I just didn't see it that way. It wasn't home to me. Nothing about it felt like home to me. Yes, Rex and Bob were there, which helped add to the hominess, but it wasn't _mine_.

I plunged on anyway, desperate for my plan to work. And it did work, to a point, for a year. I learned to cook, trained myself to clean, and made a home for Morelli and me. I spent my days planning our wedding with my mom, grandma, Val, and Mary Lou. I had thought to ask Sally to help, but it felt weird. Sally was a part of that life I was leaving behind.

I should have known though. The plan ended up being no different than when I jumped in head first, and it was my sister, of all people, that forced the realization. She hit me between the eyes at dinner tonight, with a deep 'who are you' comment. I didn't know. I suppose I was Cupcake. I knew I wasn't Stephanie anymore. I lived and breathed for Joe. He told me what he wanted and what he wouldn't accept. My job or old job I guess was not accepted. My closeness to Ranger and his men was completely out of the question. I never said anything though. I gave in. If that was what had to happen to be with Morelli, then so be it. Be damned what I wanted. What I wanted wasn't accepted. Not if I wanted to grow up and get married. And that was the plan. Right? That was what I'd been building up to for the past year.

But it was at that moment when I didn't know what to say to Val, that I realized she was right. Who had I turned into? Where was Stephanie Plum, bounty hunter from hell? I was Suzie homemaker now. I bought curtains. I had homemade cookies in my brown bear cookie jar instead of my gun.

I didn't know what to do though. I gave up everything when I said yes to Joe. I knew I could move back in with my parents, but that made my eye twitch just thinking about it. There really was only one place. One place I could go to find me again. But was I wanted? Would I even be accepted back? It was a risk I had to take. I was putting my pride and unease aside.

I packed up my clothes and Rex and left. I was starting over. I was scared shitless, and so afraid of failing. The old Stephanie wouldn't have any problems at all. Who I was now, this shell that I'd become, didn't know how to start over. I didn't know how to stand up for myself anymore. I floated through the past year of my life cleaning, cooking, and taking care of Bob and Morelli. I was my sister. I was my mom. I was Mary Lou. I missed _me_.

I made the ten minute drive in silence, praying the entire time that even though I gave up on myself that Ranger still believed in me. I reached the gate and realized I didn't have a key anymore. I gave it back the day I said yes to Joe. I shifted my car into reverse and started to back up when the gate opened on its own, allowing me entrance. I smiled slightly and drove into the underground garage, parking in Ranger's last personal space. So I was welcome, but I didn't know what to do after that. Should I grab everything now or just Rex? I couldn't leave Rex in the car, but then what if Ranger only allowed me in because he was curious why I came to him. Just because the gate opened for me didn't mean I was welcome to stay, to move in. I couldn't just assume he would let me stay with him until I could get back on my own two feet again.

My car door was pulled open causing me to jump slightly. Ranger looked in my car at all my belongings, before locking eyes with me. A single tear fell from my eye, and he pulled me from my seat into his arms. He held me, rubbing my back affectionately while I cried. I clung to him like he was my life support. In a way he was. He was always there for me. He always supported me, even when I told him I was marrying Joe. He didn't tell me I was making a mistake, even if I was. He was my rock, and the welcome back, Babe he whispered in my ear proved it.


	2. The New Plan

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. All these wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE.**

**Rating: R**

**Warning: Scenes of mild sexual nature and I'M A BABE**

**Thank you Heidi for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

**The New Plan**

Welcome back I thought. Was it possible? Could it possibly be that easy? Could walking away from Joe really break me free of the person I'd turned into? The person I forced myself to become in order to complete my plan. And what was I coming back to? I hadn't talked to Ranger in over four months. And it had been two months before that. Was he really just allowing me back in after I gave up? Gave up on me, my job, my friends, my life, him.

A shiver ran down my body, and Ranger pulled me closer. His hands caressed my back, molding us together. There was such an ease in his embrace. The ease was something I desperately missed. He had always been the one person that believed in me. The one person that made me want to not stop, to not give up. And yet I allowed myself to do exactly that. I gave up. I settled. I lost hope. What if he lost hope in me as well?

I pulled out of Ranger's arms slightly and looked up into his eyes. He ran his hands up my arms and cupped my face. He gently wiped the tears with his thumbs. "Are you staying?" he asked me.

"How did I end up this far away?" I asked more to myself. I looked up into Ranger's eyes again. "When did you give up on me? Why didn't you say anything?" I asked pushing Ranger's hands off my face.

He took a step back like he'd been slapped. "You made your choice, Stephanie."

"Then I was wrong," I said taking a step back. "I was wrong then, and I'm wrong now. I shouldn't have come here."

I turned around to get in my car, willing myself not to cry. I was heart broken. I thought that of all the people in my life Ranger would never give up on me. I thought when he took me in his arms that he was telling me he hadn't given up on me. But he had. Everybody had, including me.

I jumped when suddenly the car door slammed and I was pinned against the car by Ranger's hard body. He leaned into me stirring emotions I hadn't felt in a year. I didn't think I would still want him after so much time had past. But I did. I wanted him, and I needed him.

"Don't walk away from me again, Babe," he said quietly in my ear. His voice had an edge to it. Something I'd never heard directed towards me. There was a mixture of anger, hurt, and disappointment penetrating his words. I could feel each syllable, piercing me, a direct hit to my heart.

"Is there something to walk away from, Ranger?" I asked in a little voice so unlike my own. I didn't have a clue why I asked a question I didn't want the answer to, that I couldn't handle the answer to.

"I never gave up on you," Ranger said, touching his lips to my temple. "I was waiting."

I let out a breath and relaxed into him. "Waiting for what?" I asked. "Waiting for me to say 'I do'? My wedding is in two weeks Ranger, what were you waiting for?"

"Is?" he asked, running his hand down my left arm to my hand. "Or was?" he questioned while circling my empty ring finger.

I left my ring and house key on the counter at Joe's next to the toaster. I figured he'd find them there. It was a really crappy thing to do, and Joe didn't deserve what I was doing. He deserved to marry somebody that wanted to be his cupcake for the rest of her life. That person wasn't me. I tried to force myself into thinking that was what I wanted. How I managed to make it a year on pretending and forced acceptance, I hadn't figured out yet. I thought if I told myself enough times that Joe was who I wanted and who I needed, that he was my everything, I would believe it myself. At some point I turned into a pathological liar. I lied to Joe when I said I wanted to marry him. I lied to my family when I said I was happy. I lied to my friends when I told them I didn't want the fast life. I lied to Ranger when I said I only wanted friendship from him. But the biggest lie was to myself.

"Would you have let me marry him, Ranger?" I asked dropping my head back against his shoulder. He laced our fingers together and wrapped his other arm around me, bringing us closer. His lips were at my ear, teasing my senses. I unconsciously rubbed our bodies together as he let out a controlled slow breath. A low moan escaped me as Ranger took my earlobe between his teeth, nipping me gently. "Ranger," I moaned. God I wanted him. I was a bigger slut than I thought.

"No, I wouldn't have let you marry him, Babe," Ranger said, fingers inching under my shirt seeking skin to skin contact.

My eyes closed and I rubbed my backside against his growing arousal. "Were you just going to break the doors down at the church and rush in guns raised with the full Merry Men backup squad?" I asked. I felt him smile against my neck, just under my ear.

"You never answered my question, Babe," Ranger said, splaying his hand across my abdomen. "Are you still engaged?"

"I guess that depends on who you ask," I said, flinching slightly when he removed his hand from under my shirt and stepped back, giving us some space.

I spun around looking him in the eyes. "I'm not engaged. I'm not marrying him. Not now, not ever. I will not make that mistake again. He just doesn't know that yet," I explained quickly.

Ranger lifted his eyebrow indicating I needed to explain more.

I let out a shaky breath. "I had to leave. I was suffocating myself with all the pretending. I packed, put my key and ring next to the toaster, and left."

The corners of Ranger's lips tipped up slightly. I was amusing him. Probably the toaster comment. He tucked a loose curl behind my ear, letting his fingers linger a little bit. The sexual desire was extinguished, but I was actually relieved. I wasn't ready for Ranger induced orgasms yet. I needed time to find me again before I tempted jumping in the deep end of the pool. Right now I needed shallow water. Ranger ran his fingers down my neck and curled them around the back of my head. He dropped a light kiss to my lips, not friendly but it didn't scream nakedness either.

"Let's start over. Are you staying?" Ranger asked me again.

"Am I welcome to stay?" I questioned.

He pulled me back into his arm. "Don't ever doubt it, Babe."


	3. The Hard Way

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE**

**Rating: R**

**Warnings: I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.**

**Thank you very much Heidi for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

The Hard Way 

Ranger pulled back from the embrace and nudged me to the elevator. He pushed the button to call the elevator down, and we waited. That's when the panic attack started. What was I doing? I just up and left the life I'd been building for a year. Were things really so bad that I had to throw away a year of my life? Couldn't I talk to Joe? He loved me, and I loved him. He would listen and work with me if I explained I wasn't happy, wouldn't he? It wasn't even that I wasn't happy. I was happy with Joe, I just wasn't happy about who I turned into. Okay so that wasn't completely true. Why couldn't I have Joe and be a bounty hunter? Why couldn't I have all my friends as well? Why was Joe even happy with me? After all, he didn't fall in love with a Burg housewife. He fell in love with me when I was a bounty hunter, skirting through life by the seat of my pants. Granted that lifestyle drove him nuts.

"Babe?" Ranger said, pulling me from my thoughts. He was standing inside the elevator holding the doors open with his foot. He watched me for a moment more, before stepping out of the elevator and allowing it to close behind him. "Have you really thought about what you're doing?" he asked, brushing some loose hair off my face.

"No, not really. I just made a decision all the sudden and went with it."

"What brought about this sudden decision?" he asked, leaning against the wall next to the elevator doors. His arms were crossed over his chest. His eyes were soft, but curious.

"Who are you?" I said, repeating my sister's words from earlier in the evening.

Ranger raised his eyebrow. "Not sure I'm following you."

"My sister asked me that tonight at dinner," I said.

"And your response?"

"I didn't have one, because I don't have a clue," I said, letting out a slow breathe. "Who am I Ranger?" I asked, locking my eyes with his.

He held my eyes for a few minutes, not giving anything away. He slowly pushed off the wall and moved closer to me. He took my hands in his, and raised them to his mouth. His lips brushed across each of my palms, and he lowered them back down. "I can't tell you who you are now, but the Stephanie Plum I know and love is in there somewhere," he said, brushing his thumb along my jaw line.

"Love?" I questioned.

"Babe."

"No, Ranger. How can you say love, when you so easily let me walk out of your life to marry somebody else? You didn't even try to talk me out of it. You just told me to be happy. You can't possibly love me like …" I started to say, but caught myself just in time. I'd never told him I loved him. It wasn't something I was willing to say out loud to him, when I knew he didn't feel the same way. Yeah he loved me, but it was in his own way. And that way didn't come with a relationship or a future commitment.

"Like what, Babe?" Ranger asked me.

I shook my head. "It's not important," I said.

"Yes it is. And I want to continue this conversation, but can we do it upstairs? This business stopped running the moment you came through those gates," he said.

I looked around. I hadn't noticed how quiet it had been since I arrived. Normally there were men coming and going pretty much all day. It was around eight o'clock in the evening though, so it should be quieter, but not dead. I looked back at Ranger and the corners of his lips were tipped up in an almost smile. I rolled my eyes muttering, "Need to be more aware of your surroundings, Babe."

Ranger laughed softly. "Will you come upstairs with me, please?" he asked, reaching for my hand. I looked back at my car. Rex was still sitting on the front seat. "I'll have one of the guys come down and get him. He can hang out in the control room, while we talk." I looked down at his hand, and laced my fingers with his. The elevator opened right away, and he pulled me in.

Before I knew it I was standing in front of Ranger's apartment door. I hadn't been there in a year. He opened the door and allowed me to enter first. That incredible calm feeling came over me as I stepped over the threshold. Nothing had changed. Everything was exactly how I remembered it the night I came to tell him Joe proposed to me. I had wanted to tell him that I loved him, that I wanted to give us a shot, but instead of trying to talk me out of marrying Joe, he told me congratulations and to be happy. It broke my heart and made giving up on my life so much easier.

Ranger tossed his keys in the tray on the side table and placed his hand on the small of my back. "Let's go sit down," he said. "Do you want anything to drink?"

I opened my mouth to reply, but stopped short when my cell phone started ringing. I grabbed it out of my pocketbook and looked at the display screen. Joe. I knew the time would come, but I was suddenly feeling ill. I wasn't prepared for this talk. Ranger I could handle. Well that was a lie too. But, at least I could do avoidance with Ranger. I knew he would never force me to talk about things I didn't want to. Joe was a different situation. Joe was Italian.

I flipped my phone open. "Hi Joe," I said, unsure of what I should say.

"Hey, Cupcake," Joe said. He didn't sound upset. "I'm sorry I missed dinner. Believe me, I would have rather been at dinner than the crime scene. I just got home and notice you weren't here yet. Are they wedding talking your ear off?" he asked.

The tears were free falling down my cheeks. He didn't know yet. He loved me so much, and I left him without so much as a word. It wasn't Joe's fault I changed. He never told me to change into a Burg housewife. It was something I decided to do. It was something that went along with getting married to him. He didn't deserve what I was doing. I should have talked to him. I should have explained how I was feeling. We could have worked it out, right? It might not be too late. He hadn't noticed the ring and key yet. We could still talk. That was what I wanted, right? No, it wasn't, I admitted to myself. I didn't want to get married. I didn't want to be at home anymore. I wanted to be working. I missed my friends. I missed the action, the never dull life.

"Stephanie," Joe said, his voice taking on an edge. "You're not at your parents' are you?"

"No, I'm not," I said quietly.

There was silence on the other end. I figured he was working on his anger. "You're with Ranger." It was a statement, not a question. He knew I was with Ranger.

"Yes, but not like you're thinking," I said.

"What I'm thinking is that you took your ring off to go be with another man. Does that make it easier for you?" he asked me, his voice harsh.

I didn't blame him for being angry, but he was angry for the wrong reason. "That's not what's going on," I said, looking around for Ranger. I couldn't see him anywhere. I moved into the living room and sat down on the couch.

"Let me guess, Steph, you were doing the dishes and forgot to put it back on before you left to go see him."

"What? No, I took it off by choice. I know it was really cruel the way I did this, but I just can't take it anymore. I don't even know who I am anymore. And I know that's not your fault, but I think secretly I gave you exactly what you wanted. I just don't understand how you could love me when I'm nothing like the woman you originally fell in love with," I said.

Silence met me.

After a full minute of nothing, Joe finally said, "Are you telling me you left me?"

"Joe I'm sorry. I do love you. I just can't be this person anymore. I didn't have the courage to face you, so I just left my ring and key on the counter before I left," I explained.

I heard a scraping noise. "I didn't see the key. I thought you were with _him_," he said, letting out a sigh. "If I'm being truthful, I'm actually slightly relieved it wasn't what I was thinking."

"Joe," I said, but didn't really know what else to say.

"Can we talk about this? I'm sure we can come up with something," he said, his voice surprisingly civilized. There was no angry Italian. No yelling, not even a raised voice.

"I just need some time, Joe. I need some time to find myself again," I told him honestly.

"And then?" he asked.

"I don't know," I told him.

"Our wedding is in two weeks, Steph," Joe reminded me.

"Was, Joe," I said, disconnecting the call.

I dropped my phone back in my pocketbook, and stared at the opposite wall. I didn't hear Ranger come in, just like I didn't hear him leave, but there he was at my side looking at me.

"How did it go?" he asked.

"I'm tired," I said, rolling my neck.

"Understandable, Babe. Ella made up an apartment on the 4th floor, and the guys moved your stuff up from your car. I'll walk you down," he said, offering me his hand.


	4. Hurt

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE**

**Rating: R**

**Warnings: I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.**

**Thank you very much Stayce for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

**Hurt**

Ranger unlocked the door to the fourth floor apartment, and opened it for me to enter. I stopped in the entry way and let out a sigh. I turned back to Ranger as he closed the door softly. He placed the keys to the apartment on the side table, and gave me a soft smile. I wanted to smile back, but I was just too tired. He took two steps forward and wrapped me up in his arms. He was warm and friendly.

"Ella should be by tomorrow sometime with some groceries. Let her know what you want so she can get it for you. There's ice cream in the freezer already," Ranger whispered, lips brushing against my temple.

My face was snuggled into his neck, drawing warmth from him. I pulled back just enough to see his face, and looked at him curiously. "Ice cream?" I questioned.

"The guys thought you might like it," he said, touching his forehead to mine. "I'm three floors up, Babe, if you need anything."

I nodded my head, unable to speak. I was quite undone.

Ranger brushed a kiss across my forehead, and pulled back. He watched me for a moment longer before heading for the door.

"Call Ella in the morning when you get hungry, or you could join me, it's your choice. Get some sleep, Babe," he said. And he was gone.

I had stayed in an apartment on the fourth floor for an hour a long time ago. The queen bed was in the sleeping alcove. The soft tan leather sofa was positioned in the small, but comfortable living room, in front of the large plasma TV. I didn't remember a plasma TV last time, so maybe that was a personal item, or possibly Ranger traded up. Rex was on the counter in the kitchenette running in his wheel, completely oblivious to his change in environment. I didn't see any of my baskets, so I assumed Ella put all my clothes away. There was nothing that outwardly personalized the space as having a previous tenant, but it was still warm and comfortable. Somebody lived here. And I was taking somebody's home, so that I could fix the mess I made of my life. How fucked is that, I thought.

I headed for the ice cream instead of dwelling on the person that didn't have a home anymore. I reached for the handle and noticed a note attached to the front of the freezer. _'Stephanie, I slipped some ice cream into the freezer for you. I wasn't sure what you liked, but one thing I've learned about women is that they don't seem to be particularly prejudiced when it comes to ice cream. Feel free to make yourself at home, and stay as long as you need. I wasn't here much anyway, so I was happy to volunteer my place.'_ It was signed 'Lester Santos' at the bottom.

I felt slightly better knowing that he volunteered the apartment, instead of being kicked out. Iopened the freezer. There were two pints of Ben & Jerry's. The two men I could always count on. I took out a pint of Chunky Monkey and started pulling open drawers in search of a spoon. I popped the lid open and took my first spoon full. I was standing leaning against the counter, eyeing the couch. I took another spoon full, and flicked my eyes to the bathroom. Hot bath or good movie? Hot bath!

I found the bubble bath I brought with me in the bathroom cupboard and filled the tub. I stripped out of my clothes and decided to get my ice cream so I could finish it in the tub. My cell rang just as I was headed back to the bathroom. I let out a slight groan and grabbed it. I flipped the phone open as I slipped into the hot, soothing water.

"Yo," I said, as if was something I did everyday. I felt my eyes instantly fill with tears. I hadn't answered the phone that way in a very long time. It felt good, but I knew the person on the other end wouldn't appreciate it.

Silence.

I didn't say anything for a few beats, but patience was never my thing. "Joe?" I said on a whisper.

"If you knew it was me, why," he said harshly, "did you answer the damn phone like that?"

I had the feeling his jaw was tight and his teeth were clinched in hopes of keeping his anger under control. I understood why he was on edge, and I got that it was my fault. But it didn't seem to stop me from getting pissed. My mouth was open before I knew it and I was on the verge of full rhino mode. "Joe, believe it or not I didn't even think about it when I said it. It just came out and truthfully I'm glad it did. I used to answer the phone all the time like that up until seven months ago. It felt good. I'm sorry if you can't understand that. I'm sorry that you don't understand anything that I used to do. You never understood me. You should be happy that you're finally free of me," I said.

Okay so I might have gone too far, but damn if I didn't smile a bit to myself that the real Stephanie was making an appearance. I hadn't spoken my mind in a very long time. Too long! I wasn't meant to be calm and patient. I was meant to speak before I thought, jump in head first type of thing.

Joe's voice was labored and the further he got, the louder he got. "Happy? _Happy!_ Oh yes, Cupcake, I'm ecstatic to finally be rid of you," Joe said.

"Okay so that last part might've been a bit over the top," I said. "I'm just tired and emotional."

I tucked the phone between my ear and shoulder and reached for my ice cream. The water splashed a bit as I settled back in.

"What was that? Was that water?" Joe asked.

"Yeah, I'm in the bath."

More silence. I could just picture him, hands fisted, jaw clinched, steam leaking out his ears.

"I'm here, pacing. Frustrated as hell, and trying to figure out what went wrong. I come home after a long night at a crime scene to find out my fiancé left me and went to another man's place. Now you're naked at his place and you called off the engagement. What the fuck am I supposed to think, Stephanie?"

"Joe, I realize this came as a huge shock to you. I'm sorry that I just left and didn't have the guts to tell you it's over to your face. It was real shitty of me, but it's not just you that's frustrated. It's not always just about you. Yes you work hard and you have a sucky job, but you chose that job. Just like you chose for me to give up my job. Your expectations of me, of us, are too much. I can't do it anymore. And I should have said something a long time ago. I shouldn't have accepted your proposal. I accepted it for the wrong reasons. I lied to you. I lied to everybody. I made myself move on with you, when I wasn't really ready to do that. I wasn't ready to give up the life I had. But I was hurt, so I stupidly thought I could replace my life with something new," I explained.

"Hurt?" he questioned.

I went over what I said in my head again and realized I said too much. I was in a really bad spot now. Joe didn't know about Ranger and me. Well if he did it wasn't because I told him anything. He didn't know I went to see Ranger after he proposed. He didn't know I was hurt by Ranger's reaction and said yes because of it.

"What?" I said, trying for avoidance. "Look I'm just really tired, Joe. I planned on taking a bath, finishing my ice cream, and going to bed. Can you just give me some time? I really just need a few days to myself."

"Why him? Why did you have to go to him? You could have stayed in a hotel, anywhere, but where you're at," he said, completely ignoring my request for some time.

I felt my anger spike again. "Because, there are no expectations. He accepts me for me. Just as I am. Even this Burg robot that showed up here," I said. "He lets me have my space, and he doesn't drill me for answers that I don't have," I spat out.

"Everybody expects something sooner or later, Stephanie," Joe said.

"Joe, Ranger's expectations don't have anything to do with this conversation. He offered me a place to stay until I'm ready to face the world again. I'm in my own apartment and I plan on staying locked up in here until further notice," I said. "Please, just give me some time to myself. That's all I'm asking. Just give me some time." I ended the conversation on that note and finished my ice cream. I didn't want to think anymore. I just wanted to soak in the hot water and drown my sorrows with Chunky Monkey.

After an hour of soaking I was extremely pruney and ready for bed. I was exhausted, mentally and physically. I dried off and draped a towel around my body before wandering out into the rest of the apartment. I stopped at the bed when saw a black folded T-shirt lying on the pillows. A note was on top of it with one word only _'Babe.'_ Heat ran through my body from my head to my toes. My eyes welled up with tears as I dropped the towel and slipped the shirt over my head. I pulled the blankets back on the bed and climbed in. I snuggled into the pillow and caught a familiar scent. A tear slipped from my eye. He brought me one of his shirts and gave me his pillow to sleep on. I wrapped my arms around the pillow, breathing in Ranger's scent, and cried myself to sleep.


	5. Decisions

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE**

**Rating: R**

**Warnings: References to LMT so consider yourself warned. I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.**

**Thank you very much Stayce for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

**Decisions**

I woke up slowly to a light knocking sound. My eyes burned and my throat was raw. I felt like I had cried for hours before I finally fell asleep last night. I opened one eye and tried to focus on the alarm clock. A red blur was all I could make out. The light knocking sounded again. I rubbed my eyes, rolled out of bed, and padded to the door. Ella's smiling face greeted me on the other side.

"Oh dear, I'm so sorry. I didn't realize you'd still be sleeping," she said, taking in my appearance.

I must've looked like hell. I sure felt like hell. I gave her a slight smile and opened the door wider for her. She bustled in carrying bags, and that was when I noticed Hal and Junior behind her with the additional bags. My eyes widened. _Holy cow!_

"I … uh … I'll just be in the bathroom," I said quickly and sprinted out of the room, locking the bathroom door behind me.

I looked in the mirror and gave an internal scream. My eyes were blood shot and swollen with dark circles under them. And my hair … oh my god, my hair. It had gotten slightly wet from the bath and I just crawled into bed last night without even tending to it. I looked like I had been electrocuted. Frightening didn't even begin to describe what I looked like. I washed my face, brushed my teeth, and fought my hair into a ponytail.

I stuck my head out the door and saw Ella was busy unloading the bags in the kitchenette. The guys were gone, thank God. I crept out, hurried over to the dresser, and stuffed myself into a pair of sweats.

"Can I help you with anything, Ella?" I asked.

"Oh no, dear. You just sit and relax," she insisted from the refrigerator.

There was no way I was going to be able to sit and relax with Ella buzzing around the apartment. I didn't know if she knew why I was actually staying in the apartment or not. I wasn't exactly comfortable with anybody knowing why I was here. It was a personal issue, and I would rather it stayed personal. Of course I knew Ranger would never tell anybody what was going on. He would just leave it to the guys' imaginations. That could potentially be worse if I thought about it.

I looked back over to Ella whistling happily as she shuffled around the small kitchenette. I grabbed some clothes and headed back to the bathroom. "I'm just going to take a shower, Ella," I said, closing the door behind me.

I started the shower, gathered all my bath stuff, stripped out of my clothes, and climbed in under the hot stream of water. I dropped my head to my chest and let the water pulse against my neck. There was so much I needed to think about. Not only did I need to make some decisions about Morelli, but Ranger too. I needed to come clean with Joe. He deserved to know the truth. The truth was ugly, but he still deserved to know I only accepted his proposal because Ranger didn't even try to offer me something more. I knew telling Joe about Ranger and me would serve no other purpose than to hurt him further, and that was really the only reason I hadn't said anything yet. I'd already hurt him enough. I couldn't bear to hurt him any more. There was no other way around it, though. He'd insist on knowing why I called everything off. Telling him I couldn't go on sitting at home would only take me so far. It wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the entire truth either. I didn't want to be at home. I wanted to have my crazy life back, no matter how fucked up it was, it was still my life. I may have been in danger every other month, but I still loved it. The sane life just wasn't for me. I needed adventure.

But then there was Ranger. I didn't know what to do about Ranger. The one non hurtful thing I could add to telling Joe about Ranger was that there wasn't anything going on there. Ranger had made it clear that he didn't want a committed home life. He also craved the crazy life. But if I was honest with myself I didn't want a committed home life either. I just ran away from that. Maybe I was thinking about it wrong. I wanted commitment in a relationship, but I didn't want the marriage. I didn't want the children. I didn't want the Burg life. That was what Ranger didn't want. I guess I didn't really know what he did want. He wanted me in his bed, I knew that, but beyond the bedroom I was clueless. He'd started being more and more open with me before Joe proposed, but he never told me what he wanted from me. The mysteriousness started to fade, but saying he wanted me for more than a physical relationship never happened. He sort of hinted at being a couple when I brought up clothes in his closet during the Dickie mess, but it was also handed to me in the form of sex. A sexual relationship didn't spell couple to me. I had that with Joe at the time, and I didn't consider us a couple. I was involved with him yes, but a couple no. That all changed very quickly, though, when he proposed two months after the Dickie mess was solved. And where did that get me but standing in a shower in the RangeMan building after running away from my fiancé and the life I built over the past year. I shook my head and got busy with washing myself.

I stepped out of the shower ten minutes later; towel dried myself off, and threw on my sweat shorts and T-shirt. I finger combed my hair and left the bathroom. Ella was at my bed stripping the sheets. She picked up the pillows to remove the pillow cases and I just about came unglued.

"No!" I shouted. "Not the pillows. Please don't touch the pillows. I …" I trailed off not knowing what to say. I was embarrassed at my response.

Ella looked at me wide eyed and then back at the pillows. I saw a small smile come to her lips before she nodded and sat the pillow in her hand off to the side. "Of course, dear. I should have noticed they didn't match the rest of the bedding," she said quietly, giving me a soft smile.

"Babe," Ranger said from the dinning room chair.

I wanted to just die. I had never been more embarrassed in my life, and I didn't embarrass easily. My ears and neck were burning, and I prayed the ground would just open up and swallow me whole. Could my life get any more complicated? I almost had an emotional break down due to pillow cases. I really didn't want Ranger to know how special and how important it was to me that he left me his pillow and T-shirt. That was a bit too much at the moment. I wasn't ready for him to know how in love I was with him. How much I never stopped loving him. He knew I was still physically attracted to him, but the 'L' word was beyond what I'd ever admitted out loud to him.

"Ranger! What are doing here?" I asked, willing my face not to be completely red.

"I came by to see if you wanted to have lunch with me. I figured you were going to be hiding out in this apartment for a bit, so I was coming to you," he replied as he stood up and walked over to me.

He was badass Ranger today in black painted on T-shirt and black cargo pants tucked into black combat boots. His dark hair was pulled back into a tie. His black shades sat on the table next to his black gun.

He cupped my cheeks and ran his thumbs under my eyes. His eyes softened, showing concern. His voice was tender. "Long night?" he asked.

I nodded my head as my eyes filled up with tears. I tried to keep them inside, but one slipped out meeting his thumb. He brushed it away and pulled me to him, tucking me under his chin. He smelled so good and was so warm and friendly. I molded myself to him, burrowing my face into his chest, and let the tears flow out.

After a few minutes my sobs turned to sniffles. "I'm sorry," I said on a hiccup. "You didn't come here to have me sob all over you." I tried to pull away, but he pulled me in closer.

"Babe, I came here to see you. To see how you were feeling. Lunch was just an excuse to get me here," he said, rubbing my back. "Your life is a little upside down right now. I'd be surprised if you weren't emotional."

He held me, rocking me lightly for a long time. The embrace was supportive. There was nothing sexual about it. He was simply giving somebody he cared deeply for a shoulder to cry on. It made my heart hurt even more, but I wasn't going to admit that to him. I couldn't handle any more. I needed to deal with one issue at a time. Joe was the first issue that needed attention. But that issue was going to take a lot more guts to deal with.

Ranger finally pulled back and wiped the remaining tears off my face. "How about we have lunch and we can talk," he said, taking my hand.

I shook my head. "Lunch with no talking. I can't handle talking right now," I said.

He watched me for a moment before nodding. "Whatever you want, Babe," he said, guiding me to a chair.


	6. Alone

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE**

**Rating: R**

**Warnings: References to LMT so consider yourself warned. I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.**

**Thank you very much Heidi for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

**Alone**

I looked up from my plate that I'd been staring at while force feeding myself, and looked at Ranger. He was watching me. He'd been watching me since I sat down. I knew he wanted to talk, but I just didn't have it in me. There had been too much left unsaid since I arrived. It was gonna have to stay unsaid awhile longer. He wasn't pushing the issue, which I appreciated, but we were still left with this strained silence.

"I need to get back to work. If you want to have dinner, just let me know. Order whatever you want from Ella," he said, getting up and placing his napkin on his empty plate.

I thought about it for a moment and realized, quite reluctantly, that if I really wanted to get everything figured out I needed to be fair on both sides. No Joe and no Ranger. "Can I ask you a favor?"

"Of course," he said, stopping at the door.

"I need to be alone for a while. I need to figure some stuff out, and I can't do that if I'm with you. Can you pretend I'm not around? No Ella, no Merry Men, and no you," I said, my eyes filling with tears.

He watched me for a beat, his face giving nothing away. "If that's what you want," he said, opening the door. "But so you know, Stephanie, I could never pretend you aren't around. One of these days you'll realize you're a permanent presence in my life." And he was gone.

A large lump formed in my throat. I wanted to believe that permanent presence meant in his bed and his heart, but then I didn't want to get my hopes up. He easily let me go a year ago, so it was hard for me to believe him when he said stuff like that. I knew he loved me, but the lines beyond that were still obscure.

I got up from the table just as my cell phone rang. I grabbed it off the nightstand and stared horror-struck at the name in the display window. _Mom_! I completely forgot about my mom. I could let it go to my voicemail and deal with her later. I let out a breath and flipped open the phone. Better to deal with it now. Avoidance wasn't getting me anywhere.

"Hello," I said, biting my bottom lip.

"Stephanie, this is your mother," she said. I rolled my eyes and waited. "I just called your house and Joseph told me you weren't home. I sure hope he's not getting sick with the wedding getting so close. He didn't sound well at all. Why aren't you home with him when he sounds so horrible?"

The lump in my throat got a little larger and my stomach dropped out. It was my fault Joe sounded horrible. Joe and I may have had our problems before getting engaged and during our engagement, but he didn't deserve what I was doing to him. He deserved honesty. And I just kept fucking up at every corner. I messed up Joe's life, and I was messing with Ranger's now too. I should just pack it in and leave before I permanently screw up both their lives, I thought.

"Mom, I need to tell you something," I said, swallowing hard. If I thought telling Joe the engagement was off was hard, it was a walk in the park next to telling my mother.

"Well what is it? I called because we need to finalize the seating arrangement as well as get the music selection list returned to the DJ," she said.

I could hear papers being shuffled in the background. I closed my eyes. I needed to treat it like ripping a Band Aid off. "I called the engagement off, and moved out of the house," I said, quickly.

There was a moment of silence before I heard a sharp inhale of breath. "You will not do this to me, Stephanie Plum. Do you hear me? First your sister runs off on her wedding day to Disney World, and now you're telling me you called off the engagement with two weeks left? You will pull yourself together and act like the woman I raised you to be. Joseph is a good man, and he will be a good husband to you. I expect you here in an hour so we can get this stuff finalized, and then I expect you to get home to your fiancé," my mother said, sternly.

"No," I said, breaking out in a cold sweat.

"Why me? What will the neighbors think? Why do I have to have the only daughters that don't show up for their weddings?" she said.

"I made a mistake, and now I'm trying to fix it. The wedding's off. I'll call Mary Lou, and she can spread the word. I'm sorry for doing this to you, but right now your embarrassment is the least of my worries. I've been an embarrassment for so many years it will hardly be talked about. I'm sure there were bets as to whether I'd go through with the wedding to begin with. Just chalk it up to another Stephanie Plum golden moment. I have to go, Mom," I said and hung up before she could say anything more.

I dialed Mary Lou's number and waited the four rings for her to pick it up.

"Hello," she said. "You put that down right now. Would you please stop chasing the cat? I said no, and I meant it. You'll ruin your dinner, and if you ask me one more time so help me. Hello? I'm so sorry."

"Mary Lou," I said, cringing. I wasn't cut out for the life Mary Lou led. Why did I ever think I could handle it? I'd take on a high bond skip over being a house wife any day.

"Hey, Steph. What's up?"

"I need you to do me a favor. I have some information that needs to hit the Burg grapevine," I said, taking a deep breath. This would finalize the end of my engagement. Then all I'd have left was the dreaded talk with Joe.

"What? What … Omigod, what?" she said, quickly.

"I've called off the engagement and moved out of Joe's house," I said, eyes squeezed shut.

Silence. Whatever she was expecting, apparently that wasn't it.

"Mary Lou?" I said after a full minute of nothing on her end.

"You're serious?" she asked.

"Yes."

"What happened? Where are you? Do you want me to come to you? I could get all the ice cream you need. Tastykakes, Cheese Doodles, Snickers. You name it," she told me.

"I can't tell you where I'm at, but I'm safe and alone, which is exactly what I need right now. I can't exactly explain what happened, though. I never should have accepted Joe's proposal to begin with. It wasn't fair to him. I never truly wanted to marry him," I said, dropping down on the bed in my thinking position.

"Is this about Ranger?" she asked.

I thought about it for a second. There was no point in denying it. All the lying had to stop. "Yes, partially. There's more to it, though," I said, quietly.

"You'll call me if you need anything, right?" she asked, but really it was more of an order.

"Yes. And thank you Mary Lou," I said.

"What are best friends for?" And she hung up.

Ending the wedding was dealt with, my mother was dealt with, next was Joe. I needed to be completely honest with him. I just wasn't so sure telling him everything would do any good. It couldn't possibly help, since it would only hurt him even more. I didn't think he'd appreciate the entire truth anyway. Maybe the sugar coated version would be a better idea. He didn't need details. I looked at my phone and figured I should just get it over with before I chickened out and put it off for another day. I also needed to warn him about Mary Lou announcing the canceled wedding. He needed to hear that from me. I dialed Joe's home number.

"What?" he said, tensely after the second ring.

I instantly knew this wasn't a conversation I desired to have over the phone, but I didn't want to have it at Joe's house, either. I needed neutral ground.

"Will you meet me at Bessie's?" I asked, holding my breath.

"20 minutes?" he asked. His voice was flat.

"That sounds good. And Joe, so you know, I've told Mary Lou the wedding is off," I told him, softly.

"Fine. I'll see you in 20 minutes," he said and disconnected the call.

I grabbed my hand bag, dropped my cell phone in it, picked up the keys Ranger placed in the tray next to the door, and left the apartment. I pushed the call button on the elevator and waited. The doors opened less then a minute later, revealing Ranger. He looked at me in surprise. Not even an hour ago, I requested to be alone and here I was leaving the building. I stepped in and gave him a small smile.

"Where to?" he asked.

"Garage," I said, noticing that was where he was headed, too.

We rode down in silence. It was the awkward silence again. Neither one of us knew what to say or even where the line was on talking. The doors opened and Ranger held them for me to walk out ahead of him. I stopped next to my car and looked at him. He was watching me instead of getting into the Turbo. I'd never seen the look on his face before. He almost looked unsure.

"I'm meeting Joe at Bessie's in a few minutes. I didn't think talking to him over the phone was right. He deserves better," I explained.

Ranger gave a slight nod. "And?"

"I'll be back when we're finished. I don't think I'll be gone too long."

"And?"

"And I'll still need time to myself," I said, softly.

His eyes stayed locked with mine as he closed the distance between us. "You take all the time you need. I'm not going anywhere. When you're ready to talk to me, you know where to find me," he said, running a finger down my jaw line.

It took me a full minute to pull myself together again. "What if I'm never ready?" I asked.

"Then I have to accept that," Ranger said. "But I hope that's not the case."

I did too, but I was no closer to figuring out what I wanted to say to Ranger than when I arrived the night before. "I do have a question. I don't know what I'm going to do now as far as a job, so how long can I stay here?" I asked.

Ranger leveled me with a look that made me want to take a step back. He wasn't even trying to hide his feelings. He was angry. "Stephanie, when I said there's no cost I meant it. There _is_ _no_ expiration date on our friendship," he said, stepping away from me. He looked at me for another minute and walked to his car. He opened the door and looked back up at me. "You still have a job at RangeMan. Start back up at any time. Drive carefully," he said, softly and left.


	7. What's Real?

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE**

**Rating: R**

**Warnings: References to LMT so consider yourself warned. I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.**

**Thank you very much Stayce for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

**What's Real?**

I pulled up to the curb at Bessie's and shut off my car. A new stream of tears fell down my cheeks. I needed to pull myself together before going in to see Joe. It was going to be hard enough seeing him and explaining everything, I didn't need Ranger's word on repeat in my head. I hadn't meant to upset Ranger. My question clearly came out wrong, but it was too late to fix it at the time. His words, though touching, weren't said in a touching way. He was harsh, and angry, and cold, and not the Ranger I knew and loved.

I dug in my pocket book and found some mascara. I wiped my face off the best I could, blew my nose on some tissue, and gave my eyelashes two coats. My courage was depleted.

I locked up the car and walked up the sidewalk to Bessie's. Joe was leaned against his SUV, hands shoved in his pockets and one foot propped up on the side of the vehicle. He was in well worn Levis, a navy blue T-shirt, and running sneakers. His cop face was in place, hiding all his emotions, but nothing could hide the dark circles under his eyes mirroring my own.

I stopped a few feet from him, unsure on how to proceed. "Do you want to go inside?" I asked him, trying to hide the tremor in my voice.

He gave me an incredulous look. "Not particularly, Stephanie. In case you've forgotten, your dutiful friend has spread the word of the cancelled wedding. I've already had two women give me questioning looks. I'd rather not deal with it," Joe said.

"Oh," I said, mentally smacking myself in the forehead. How could've I forgotten that every person within twenty miles of the Burg would know about our break-up? I didn't want to deal with the questioning looks, either. That was why I wanted to stay inside RangeMan in the first place. But Joe deserved to have me tell him the truth to his face.

I looked around and spotted a group of my grandmother's friends coming up the sidewalk. They noticed me and started to speed up. "Can we just go for a drive and maybe stop at a park or something?" I asked, my eyes begging Joe to just get in the damn car.

His eyes moved down the sidewalk and quickly pushed off the SUV and moved around to the driver's side without a word. I jumped in and buckled up just as he took off.

We didn't talk as he drove, which was completely out of character for us. Silence was something Ranger and I did. Joe and I did animated talking. And much like lunch with Ranger, this silence was uncomfortable. I could feel the anger and confusion coming off of Joe, and it made the knot in my stomach tighten a bit more. I was going to hurl if we didn't get somewhere quickly so I could get out and walk. Denial wasn't working. I knew why I was here, and I was suddenly feeling like perhaps I rushed having this talk to begin with. I desperately wanted to be back at RangeMan curled up on the couch. I couldn't do what I needed to do. Joe didn't need all the details anyway. He'd be better off not knowing why I accepted his proposal. And I was almost positive he wouldn't want to know anything about me and Ranger.

Joe drove for another five minutes before pulling into a park. It was far enough away from the Burg that I wasn't worried about running into curious people seeking prime gossip. I got out and took a few deep breaths to calm myself. Joe was a little slower getting out. After we watched each other for a few minutes through the front window, he finally removed his seatbelt and climbed out. He walked around the front of the car and waited.

"I … a …" I still felt like barfing. Why did I think I could do this?

"I thought you needed time?" Joe said.

"I do need time. I need time to figure out how I got so lost. I need to find the old me. The only me I knew how to be, until I forced myself to be somebody else," I said on a sigh. "This isn't me, Joe. I don't clean and cook. I eat takeout standing up in the kitchen against the counter. I only clean when I have to. I take my clothes to my mom's house and have her wash them."

"I didn't ask you to change, Cupcake. I was perfectly happy with takeout and standing room only while I ate," Joe said, his eyes softening.

"I know you didn't ask, but I think that's really what you've always wanted. The Burg girl instead of the wild 30 year old that never seemed to want to grow up."

"Steph, I won't deny that I wanted you to quite your job. I won't deny that I was thrilled when you did. Hasn't it been nice to have all the insanity gone? You haven't been shot at or stalked or rolled in garbage in a year! You have to like that," Joe said.

I smiled a little. "I've missed all that to be honest. I know normally a person would be thrilled to have all of that gone from their life, but I haven't been," I said.

"Is it really the job you miss or is it Ranger?" he asked, eyes narrowing just slightly.

It was a fair question, and it was time to start telling the truth. "Joe, I called you today so that I could tell you everything. I could've waited, but I think that it would just be harder. I didn't need time to figure out if I still wanted to get married. _I know _I don't want to get married. Not right now, maybe not ever. I need the time to find me again, to get back on my own track. I don't know what's going to happen with us. I love you, and I don't think I'll ever stop loving you, but if you don't want me … insanity and all, then I don't think there can be an us," I said, fighting the tears threatening to slip from my eyes.

"Why'd you accept my proposal then, Steph? Why not just say you didn't want to get married? Why not tell me all this a year ago?" Joe asked with an edge to his voice.

And there it was. The million dollar question that I so didn't want to answer honestly.

"The answer is the real reason why we're here isn't it? Why'd you say yes, Stephanie?"

I opened my mouth, but nothing came out. There was a golf ball sized lump in my throat, and I was finding it difficult to breath. What kind of person am I, I thought. I couldn't tell him why I said yes. Nobody deserved that kind of heartache. I tried to shake my head no, but the look in his eyes told me I wasn't leaving until he knew. The knot in my stomach tightened a bit more. My head was ringing, my vision was blurred, and my mouth had gone completely dry. I quickly moved to the bench behind me and put my head between my legs.

"The day you proposed I went to see Ranger," I mumbled from my place between my knees.

"Why?" Joe asked.

"I couldn't say yes, when I wasn't ready to choose. I loved you both," I said, sitting up to look at Joe.

Joe's eyes widened and he took a step back. "Loved us both?" he whispered, hoarsely. He ran his hands through his hair with his eyes shut. "You weren't ready to choose? I wasn't aware there was a choosing process? We were together. We'd been together for years. How did you need to make a choice between us? You weren't even with him!" Joe paused, looking at me as if he was just now hearing what I really said. I could see his mind coming to a conclusion. "Were you with him?" he asked, angrily.

"No. Not like that. His life at the time didn't lend itself to relationships. He couldn't or wasn't able to offer me a commitment," I said, realizing how that sounded after it came out of my mouth.

"So you were biding you time until he was able to offer you a commitment?" he spat.

"No. That's not what I meant. It came out wrong. I love you … I just … I love him, too," I said, whispering the last part.

"How can you love somebody you've never been with? Somebody you don't know anything about? He's fucking nuts," Joe shouted.

"Please don't, Joe," I said, quietly.

"Don't what, Steph. Don't call him a nutcase? Don't make you admit you don't know anything about him? Don't make you realize you've never been intimate with this man you claim to love in a romantic sense? Don't what, Stephanie, cause I'm trying to understand how there could be a choice in the first place? How could you need to choose between a man you've been intimately involved with for years and a man you've only had a platonic relationship with?"

This was what I was trying to avoid. Answering his questions wouldn't help. It would just make matters worse. The truth of my relationship with Ranger would hurt. But I knew Joe would push for the answers. "I've known you my entire life. We have a history, and I'm comfortable with you. We know each other's families. We eat the same foods. We watch the same sports. I didn't love you from the first moment I saw you again, but there was the yearning to have you want me. Eventually I fell in love with you, but neither of us was ready for marriage or a serious commitment. We've tried a couple of times and it never worked out. We drove each other crazy.

"Ranger came into my life as a mentor. We weren't really friends since we didn't exactly know each other. He wasn't even himself around me for a long time. I saw what he wanted me to see. He'd let me see glimpses of the non-thug, but never more than that for a very long time. But I still trusted him. I trusted him from day one. That trust grew into a friendship. The friendship grew into more. An attraction developed, and he let me know that he was interested." I paused; wondering how much was going to be too much. "When you and I broke up and ended our first kind of engagement, Ranger and I spent one night together. It's never happened since then, though," I said, looking down. But I knew the power of that one night. I'd been fighting it ever since. Ranger was magic.

"The night you proposed I wasn't prepared for it to happen. I didn't realize you were even ready to make that step. I did know that if I had to make a choice right then and there, I'd choose you because Ranger wasn't ready to offer me anything more than a sexual relationship. But I had to find out. That's why I went to talk to him. I told him you proposed, and he told me congratulations and to be happy," I told Joe.

"And you were hoping he was going to give you a reason to say no," Joe said, reading my mind.

I let out a sigh. "I just wasn't ready to make a choice, but I knew I didn't want to get married. I was hurt and did something incredibly stupid. I used the proposal as a way to erase Ranger from my life. I knew I was making a huge mistake, but I did it anyway. And in the long run all it did was hurt everybody. I'm sorry," I said, tears freely falling down my cheeks. "I'm really sorry, Joe. I never meant to hurt you."

Joe looked at me for a minute, his expression giving nothing away. Finally he gave a small nod. "I know you didn't, but I think you made your choice," he said, quietly.

I shook my head. "No. No, I didn't. There was never a choice. I just fooled myself into thinking there was one. I thought there could be something more between me and Ranger, but there wasn't and there can't be. All I did was destroy the only real thing I ever had. Ranger wasn't real. What we could have had or whatever we did have wasn't real. Not in the sense that we were," I said, miserably.

Joe opened his mouth to say something, but closed it again. His expression was pained.

"Jesus. I'm so sorry, Joe. You don't want to hear about this. I don't know what I'm saying. I'm just babbling."

"No, I don't really want to hear about it, but …" he said, and then stopped, giving his head a small disbelieving shake.

"But, what?" I asked.

He shook his head again. "Nothing. Never mind. I don't even want to know, so I'm not going to ask," he said, looking away from me.

"Know what?" I persisted.

He looked at me again. His eyes were clearly trying to see into my head and get the answers he didn't want to ask. "Why did you come back to me after you spent the night with him?" he asked. "Don't answer that. I don't want to know."

"I interfere with his lifestyle. A real relationship with me would make his life very difficult. What little relationship we already have makes it more difficult. Look what happened with Scrog," I said, answering him anyway.

He gave a humorless snort. "Even an outsider could see what I couldn't. Or maybe it was something I refused to see. I find it hard to believe I couldn't see that you were in love with him, when that wacko could see it," Joe said, shoving his hands in his pockets and rocking back on his heels. "I guess I always thought it was one sided. I could see how he looked at you, but I ignored how you looked at him. Your complete breakdown when he was shot should have given me a huge clue, and maybe it did, but then you told me you loved me so I wrote it off as reaction to the whole situation. I'd been waiting for so many years for you to finally be able to say the words out loud."

I closed my eyes. I was beyond horrible. At the moment I was able to say the words out loud, but I was still thinking that I loved Ranger too.

"I'm sorry," I said again.

"I know. I'm sorry, too. There was obviously something lacking with us, for you to find it in another man. Really I should have known. I always told you he looked at you the same way I looked at you. I knew it wasn't just a physical attraction for him," Joe said, running his hands across his face. He took his hands down and held one out to me. "Come on, I'll drive you back to your car."

I took his hand as he helped me up. We walked the short distance back to his SUV hand and hand. It was comforting in a way, but there was nothing loving about my hand firmly held in his. He opened the passenger-side door for me, but just before I climbed in, he pulled me into his arms and hugged me. He held me so close with one hand on the small of my back and the other on the back of my head, fingers tangled in my hair. I sobbed into his chest, my fingers gripping his shirt. His breathing quickened and his arms were shaking slightly. This was all my fault. I did this. I destroyed the only real relationship I'd ever had. Sure we had our problems, but he loved me and I loved him and I treated that love like a doormat.

It seemed like we stood there for hours, holding each other. His grip on me relaxed, and I pulled back, looking into his face. He looked so sad, and it broke my heart.

"Come on, Cupcake. Let's get you back to your car."

The drive back was silent, but all too soon we were back at Bessie's, directly in front of my car. He looked over at me as I undid my seatbelt and reached for the door handle. I didn't want to go yet, but I knew it was time. There was nothing left to say.

"So what now," Joe asked, prolonging my departure.

"I'm going back to my apartment, and then I'm going to try and get my life back on track. I'm going to start working for RangeMan again, but beyond that I don't know. It's a start," I said, avoiding his eyes.

"You're going to stay living at Ranger's even after you said there's nothing there?" Joe asked, confusion written all over his face.

"I'm not staying in Ranger's apartment. I have my own three floors below his. Lester moved out, so I would have an apartment," I explained.

"And that's where you stayed last night?"

"Yes," I said, opening the door. "I hope one day we can run into each other and be friends." I closed the passenger-side door and walked back to my car. I could feel Joe's eyes on me, but I didn't look back.

I got in my car and drove back to RangeMan. I pulled into the underground garage and sat in my car for a bit, taking deep breaths and wiping my face off. I couldn't seem to stop the tears from spilling out, though. I finally just gave up and got out of the car. I was half way to the elevator when the garage gates opened. It was Ranger. His eyes were watching me. He got out of his car quickly and was standing in front me. There was a concerned expression on his face. I must have looked awful.

"You okay?" he said, his voice tender.

"No," I said, honestly. "No I'm not, but I will be."

He nodded slowly, pressing the call button on the elevator. "You didn't stay at Bessie's for very long," he said.

"We didn't want to deal with the looks," I said, but then I realized what he actually said. "I didn't think you were still tracking me."

"I've never stopped. I was actually surprised that you never got rid of the pen when you accepted Joe's proposal," Ranger said, stepping into the elevator and pressed the buttons for levels four and five.

"I kept as a reminder," I said, feeling the dull pain in my chest.

"Reminder?"

"Yeah, every time I looked at it, I remembered why I said yes to Joe," I said, looking in Ranger's eyes.

"And why'd you say yes?" Ranger asked.

I shook my head. "It doesn't matter any more," I said as the elevator doors opened. I stepped out and turned back to face Ranger. "I'm sorry about earlier. It didn't come out the way I meant it." The doors started to close, but Ranger stepped forward to stop them. "I didn't mean it to sound like I was trivializing our friendship. I'd never do that. Your friendship means everything to me. I just didn't want to over stay my welcome."

Ranger brushed a finger down the side of my face with his free hand. "That's not possible, but apology accepted," he said, softly.

I gave him a shaky smile. "I'd like to come back to work for RangeMan, if the offer still stands," I said.

"The job's still yours. I never took you off the books. You've been on an extended leave of absence," he said. "Start back up whenever you'd like. Just let Tank know and he can get you all set up." He stepped back into the elevator, and we stood watching each other until the doors closed separating us.


	8. Healing

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE**

**Rating: R**

**Warnings: References to LMT so consider yourself warned. I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.**

**Thank you very much Stayce for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

**Healing**

As I stepped off the elevator on the fifth floor, every head in the control room turned my way, causing my steps to falter. Maybe the four days I spent locked in my apartment with my cell phone off wasn't long enough. I wasn't sure I was ready to deal with people yet. I looked at the guys and they all gave me nice, polite smiles, but still, I was a little anxious. I hesitantly walked past Roy, Binkie, and Eddie to the far side of the room where Tank sat watching me.

"Welcome back, Ms. Stephanie," Tank said, smiling.

"Thanks, I think," I said, looking around nervously for Ranger. I hadn't seen or heard from him since we parted ways four days ago.

"Ranger told me to talk to you when I was ready to start again. Something about getting me set up."

"He talked to me about it," Tank said. "What exactly do you want to do now that you're back?"

"Uh … umm, well I'm not sure. What are my options?" I asked.

"It's pretty much up to you. You can do the searches, field work, control room monitors, all of them."

"I uh … I guess wherever you need me," I said.

He watched me for a beat. "Junior's heading out in 20 minutes to meet with a new client. I'll get you set up and you can head out with him," Tank said.

"Well I um … I'm not sure I'm quite ready to, I mean, I guess if that's what, but I just …" I babbled.

"Come on Steph!" Tank barked. "What's the matter with you? It's your life woman. I'm allowing you to choose what you're going to do. Make the damn choice. Tell me what you want to do. If you're not ready for field work, tell me."

My eyes started to well up with tears as I stepped back from Tank. I couldn't look him in the eyes. I'd never seen him mad before, and I managed to tick him off my first day back. Maybe I wasn't ready to be a RangeMan employee, yet. I took another step back and ran into a body. I spun around and came face to face with Binkie. He was watching me carefully, expression shielded.

"I hope you weren't thinking about going back to hide in your apartment," Binkie said.

What the … I took a step back from Binkie and spun back around to look at Tank. Who the hell did they think they were?

"Hey! If I wanna be in my apartment then I will. It's none of your fucking business," I shouted, stepping away from both guys. "And Tank, _I don't want_ to do field work yet."

Both guys smiled.

"Now there's the Stephanie Plum we know," Tank said, leading me to my old cubby. "You can work on searches for now, and once you're comfortable with that again I'll start you on control room duty. I put some items you'll need in your top drawer."

I pulled open my top drawer and found my RangeMan ID, a new cell phone, stun gun, defense spray, cuffs, and a Sig Sauer 9 with an extra mag. I sighed. I'd forgotten the company policy about always carrying a gun. At least that was one good thing about not leaving the building. The gun could sit in my drawer, and I wouldn't get in trouble.

"I don't want to see that gun sitting in your drawer. Every man in this building has his gun on him at all times. There's no reason why you can't," Tank said, reading my mind. "I've also scheduled an hour in the shooting range every Wednesday. I know it's been a long time since you've shot a gun. Before I'll let you do field work I need to be sure you're comfortable shooting and carrying your gun. Loaded."

"I hate guns, Tank," I whined.

"I know and you don't have to like them. But you do need to respect them and know how to use them safely."

"Ranger really wants me to be in the range once a week?" I asked.

"Ranger left all your employment decisions to me."

I looked at him, my eyes widening. "Why?"

"Does it matter?"

"Yes, it matters," I said. "Is he avoiding me?"

"It's what you wanted."

"What _I_ wanted? I told him I needed space from him, Ella, and the guys, but now I'm working. I thought that when I came back … I." What did I think was going to happen? Did I really think that leaving my apartment meant I was ready to face Ranger? To have that talk, I'd been avoiding? Was I ready to hear what he had to say, and maybe get my heart broken even more, if that was possible?

Tank was watching me, his expression blank. "You thought what?"

"Nothing," I said, not looking at him.

I wasn't ready for Ranger. I was a big fat chicken. Whatever Ranger planned to tell me held more power than I was willing to admit. That power had me scared shitless.

"If you need anything let me know," Tank said, breaking my internal conversation. "We'll skip the gun range today since you're just getting back, but next week we have a date."

I gave him a slight nod and turned my attention to the computer monitor. I powered it on and reached for the first file.

"Lula would like to hear from you," Tank said, from the spot he hadn't vacated, yet. "You should give her a call."

"It's not that easy," I said my voice breaking slightly.

"Sure it is. You pick up the phone and call her," Tank said, walking away. He stopped after a few steps and looked back at me. "I'd have thought you'd know Lula better than that. She'd be the last person who would judge you."

I opened my mouth to explain that it wasn't about being judged, that it was about if she would even talk to me at all, but he was gone, and I was left staring at the blank computer screen, mentally yelling at myself for not being braver, for not taking a chance. But taking chances meant facing rejection, and I couldn't handle that at the moment. I'd deserve it after walking away from all my friends, but that didn't make it any easier to swallow. And just because Ranger accepted me back didn't mean Lula and Connie would. I wasn't even sure how Mary Lou felt about me at the moment, and I was afraid to find out. I didn't really ditch her. I did ditch a life that would bring us even closer together, though.

But for now I'd just concentrate on work. Nothing there could hurt me.

I opened the first file, and kept my head down, working silently through my first day back. I punched Jose R. Mendoza into the computer, pulling up his life history. I printed off all the intrusive information on him and moved on to the next file. I took a short lunch break in my apartment after completing the second file, and came back up to work on the last two files. I closed my computer down at five o'clock and headed back down to my apartment, where I ate dinner alone, watched a movie, and went to bed early.

It was Friday and I'd just got back to my desk after having lunch down in my apartment like I'd done everyday for the past three weeks. I turned my monitor on and grabbed a file from my in-box, which magically filled up while I was away from my desk.

"Stephanie," Hal said from the speaker on my phone, "there's a call for you on line three."

"Hal, who is it?" I asked.

"Your mom," he told me.

I stared, open-mouthed and wide-eyed, at the blinking red light for line three. I hadn't talked to her once since I left Joe. My cell phone was still shut off, and nobody knew my RangeMan cell phone number but Mary Lou. I talked to her a few times a week, but I wasn't ready for my mom. I was finally starting to get on with my life. I didn't cry every night anymore, I was smiling again with ease, and I was even gossiping with the guys around the coffee pot in the morning. I didn't want to go back to being depressed, and answering that phone posed a threat of setting me back five steps.

"Can you tell her that I'm in a meeting or something?" I asked.

"Sure, Steph," Hal said on a sigh. "But pretty soon she's going to be breaking down the doors down trying to see you." And he hung up.

Didn't I know it! I was surprised she hadn't called yet or stopped by demanding for the guys to produce me. She was probably still furious with me up until two minutes ago. Probably I shouldn't just talked to her since she was making the effort to call me. _But you're a big fat chicken, Stephanie Plum,_ I told myself.

"Eventually, you're going to have to talk to her, Babe," Ranger said, leaning against my cubby wall.

I'd only seen Ranger once at the end of my first week back. We made eye contact and the corners of his lips tipped up just slightly. A double cheek kiss for Ranger. I gave him a small smile in return before he left. And here he was after two weeks of being in the wind. He was mouth watering sexing with his black on black corporate attire that was tailor made for him, showing off his best assets.

"I'll call her tonight," I said, leaning back in my chair watching him.

"How are you?" he asked me.

I smiled. "Better," I said.

"I'm glad to hear that," he said, pushing off from the cubby wall. "I have a meeting in a few minutes, but I wanted to see you before hand."

I didn't know what to say to that, but my stomach was dancing with nerves. Truthfully I'd missed him. I didn't feel like space was what I needed from him any longer. I wasn't sure if I was ready to open up with him, yet, but I did want to be able to see him and talk to him and _touch him!_ I smiled at him letting him know I was glad he stopped by. I really wanted to see him, too.

"Babe," he said and left my cubby.

"Ranger," I shouted, stopping him before he was too far from me.

I stood up as he walked back to me. He stopped within touching range. He lifted his eyebrow otherwise his expression was blank.

"Are you free later?" I asked.

"Free?"

"For dinner?"

He smiled. Not his 200-watter, but certainly more than a tip of the corner of his lips. "I am," he said.

"Six o'clock in your apartment?" I asked.

Ranger reached up and fingered a curl. The gesture was very intimate, and nearly caused my heart to stop beating all together. God I missed him! It was crazy how he could tie me up in knots and overheat me simultaneously. I stepped closer to him, and he pulled me into a hug. The tears were flowing down my cheeks, and for once I welcomed them. It felt so good to be in his arms again. He pulled back a little after a minute or so. There was concern written all over his face, but I smiled to reassure him.

"What's with the tears, Babe?" he asked, brushing them gently off my cheeks.

"I've missed you," I confessed.

He dropped a kiss to my forehead and nuzzled my hair next to my ear. He didn't say anything, but words weren't necessary. I understood his actions.

"Six o'clock," Ranger said with a last squeeze and left for his meeting.


	9. Couple

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE**

**Rating: R**

**Warnings: References to LMT so consider yourself warned. I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.**

**Thank you very much Stayce for editing, and a big huge thanks to Linda for partnering up with me on this chapter!!**

**Title: Welcome Home**

Chapter Nine Couple 

After Ranger left for his meeting, I spent the rest of the day with a silly grin plastered to my lips. I could still smell his scent on me. Still feel his lips against my forehead and his warm breath in my ear. I was really excited about dinner and before I knew it, it was quarter to five. I closed the file I was working on and tossed it in my out-box. I looked at the last file sitting in my in-box, and briefly considered working on it. I smiled and signed off my computer. It could wait for Monday.

I pulled open my top drawer and grabbed my apartment keys and my cell phone. Just as I clipped my cell to my hip it rang. I pulled it off, checking the display screen, and smiled. Ranger.

"Yo," I said.

"Yo yourself, Babe," Ranger said. "Can we move dinner to seven?"

"Sure." My smile faded a tad. "Is something wrong?"

"I don't think so. I need to take look at my parents' security system. It seems to be acting up," Ranger told me. "Not sure I'll make it back by six."

"It's no problem, Ranger," I said, sinking down in my chair. Why was he lying to me? I wondered.

"Why don't we just do dinner another night," I suggested.

"Stephanie," Ranger said.

"No, Ranger. It's okay, really. The guys just piled a bunch of files in my box," I said, cringing as the lie left my mouth. "I'm going to work late, so I don't have all these waiting for me on Monday. We'll do dinner another night when you don't have an emergency. It was just dinner."

"It's not just dinner, Babe," Ranger said.

"Really it's okay. Go handle the security system," I said. "I'm going to work. I'll talk to you later." And I hung up, dropping my phone on my desk.

"Why did I just do that?" I said, loudly.

"What was that, Steph?" Bobby asked from his seat in front of the monitors.

"Nothing. I'm just talking to myself," I muttered, covering my face with my hands.

I felt a tear fall. Did Ranger really get a call from his parents, or was it an excuse to cancel dinner? _He wasn't canceling, _a voice in my head said. It felt like canceling. Almost like he knew I'd just call it off all together. He'd never talked about his parents with me before. Why now? It just seemed odd, scripted maybe. I shook my head, quickly wiped the tears away, and powered my computer back on. I grabbed the only file in my in-box and got to work on it.

It was six o'clock before I got it completed. It'd been one of those files better left for a Monday. A ruin your entire weekend kind of file. The guy was an FTA and had a rap sheet longer than my arm. He also had about fifty names and aliases. I printed it all off knowing it was going to take forever. But it was the paper jam that pushed me over the edge. It took me twenty-five minutes and a lot of creative cursing to get the damn printer working again.

I signed off my computer again, and grabbed my cell and apartment keys. There had been a shit change at some point while I had my ass in the air, fighting with the printer. Zero, Slick, and Woody all told me goodnight as I stomped past them. I'm pretty sure I responded before taking the elevator down to my apartment. I shoved the key in the knob, and it took me two tries to get the door unlocked. I dropped the keys, cell phone, and gun on the side table before kicking my shoes off as I headed to the bathroom.

I took a long hot shower, washing, conditioning, and shaving everything, and my skin was pruny before I finally decided to get out. Getting out meant that I got to wrap myself up in the thick luxurious towels, though so I braved it. I quickly finger combed it and left it down to air dry as I moved into the sleeping alcove. I put on some black silk panties, a tiny red cotton tank top and black lounge pants.

I was hungry and debating calling Ella for dinner when my cell phone rang. Dread filled my chest as I picked up the phone. I wasn't ready to talk to Ranger. I looked at the display screen and immediately recognized Lula's cell number.

"Hey," I said, smiling when I heard her voice.

"Girlfriend, you forget my number or something," she said with no real heat to her words.

I laughed. I was glad she called, and I'd have to thank Tank for taking the decision to talk to her out of my hands. Lordy knows I'd have put it off for another three weeks.

"How are you?" I asked, flopping down on the couch.

"Never mind me, girl. You're working in a building filled with big hot men," she said. "But you keep your eyes off my man."

My smile grew. I'd missed Lula's non-threatening threats. "No worries. He's all yours," I said just as there was a knock on my door.

"Hang on, Lula, somebody's at my door," I told her.

"I bet it's Batman. That man is so freaking hot!" Lula said. "But not as hot as my Tank."

I burst out laughing as I opened the door. Ranger stood on the other side, arms behind his back. He was still in his corporate attire, but he'd lost the coat and tie. The top three buttons of his black silk shirt were unbuttoned, and the cuffs were rolled up to mid forearm. Damn he was sexy!

"Ranger," I squeaked.

"I knew it was Batman," Lula said in my ear.

"You hung up on me," Ranger said, his eyes devoid of all emotion.

"Oh shit," Lula whispered.

"What are you doing here?" I asked him, ignoring Lula's babbling from the phone.

"We have a dinner date, Babe," he said, pulling a bag of Chinese food from behind his back.

"You better call me tomorrow, white girl. I want details," Lula said and hung up.

I closed my phone and moved to let Ranger into the apartment. He slid past me, grabbing my hand on his way. I shut the door and followed his lead to the dinning table.

"You want to explain earlier?" Ranger asked, pulling a chair out for me.

I sat down and stared at the table. "Nothing to explain," I said.

Ranger nodded, pulling food out of the bag. He moved into the kitchen area and grabbed us plates, silverware, and napkins, and then sat down across from me and started dishing up his plate.

"Did you get through all the files the guys pilled on you?" he asked with a slight smirk playing at the corners of his lips.

I rolled my eyes. I'd always thought I was an excellent liar, but he always knew when I was lying.

"I was saving face," I told him, spooning fried rice on my plate.

"I wasn't canceling, Steph. You cancelled on me," Ranger said.

"It felt like you were canceling."

"Why?" he asked, eyebrow raised.

"I don't know," I said, avoiding looking at him.

Ranger watched me for a beat. "Bullshit, Stephanie. You know exactly why," he said, narrowing his eyes. "Tell me."

"Your parents' security system was acting up?" I said, rolling my eyes again.

Ranger's eyes took on a bewildered look. "I'm not following," he said.

"You've never said anything about your parents to me before, and you never tell me what a job's about," I said.

"Because I told you what I was doing and who I was doing it for, made you feel like I was canceling?" Ranger asked in a bemused tone.

"It felt like a well rehearsed plan to get me to cancel. It felt like a lie," I said and shoved food in my mouth so I didn't have to talk any more. I was making an ass out of myself.

Ranger was silent for a long time, but I could feel his eyes boring into my forehead, since I wouldn't lift mine from the table.

"You asked for space from me, so I gave you what you wanted. I knew when you were ready you would come to me. I've been waiting patiently for three weeks, and you think I'd cancel?" he asked. I lifted my eyes to meet his. "I thought you'd like to know exactly why I needed to change dinner to seven."

The knot that started in my stomach when Ranger appeared outside my door was now in my throat. "I'm sorry," I said, looking back down. "I've been saying that a lot lately."

"I'm not looking for apologies," he said.

I didn't know what to say to that, so I concentrated on eating dinner. Ranger followed my lead and ended our conversation. I wasn't sure if he didn't have anything more to say or he was determined to wait me out. If that were the case he'd be waiting until hell froze over.

Ranger swallowed his last bite ten minutes later and leaned back slightly in his chair studying me. I wasn't really eating any more at that point. More like pushing my food around to look like I'd eaten it. The knot in my throat was keeping food from passing, and I was afraid I might choke to death if I forced the food past it.

After a few more minutes of pushing my food around while avoiding Ranger's eyes, I gave up. There wasn't a point. I wasn't fooling either one of us, so I picked up my plate and walked it to the kitchen area. I dumped the remaining food in the garbage and rinsed the plate before setting it in the sink.

Ranger came in behind me, pressing his hard body into mine, holding me against the counter as he reached around me to rinse his plate as well. Every nerve ending in my body was on fire as I felt the muscles in his chest flexing while he slowly rinsed his plate. He set the plate in the sink; shut the water off, and laced his wet fingers with mine, bracing them on the edge of the counter. I had to fight from moaning as his mouth hovered next to my ear, breathing hot air against my skin.

"Why'd you ask me to dinner tonight?" he asked, his voice soft.

"I told you. I missed you," I said.

"What'd you miss?"

"You," I whispered. "Everything. I missed talking to you, seeing you, being near you."

"Did you miss me touching you?" he asked, running the tip of his tongue along the shell of my ear.

"Yes," I moaned, unable to control myself any longer.

"Are we talking about for the last three weeks or longer?"

"Longer and you're cheating."

He smiled against my skin.

"You never had to miss me at all," he finally said, kissing me just below the ear.

He moved back a little and released one of my hands. "Come on," he said, pulling me to the couch.

He sat down, removing his boots, and propped his feet on the coffee table. I sat down next to him, and he immediately wrapped his arm around my shoulders, tucking me into his side. We sat in silence for a long time with my head on his shoulder. I was feeling drained from my confessions, but I was more hurt than anything. He didn't share my feelings. But what did I expect, really? That he'd missed me as well? That after I walked out of his life he thought about me as much as I thought about him?

_Yes,_ a little voice said.

No I didn't, I told the voice. I hoped he missed me and thought about me, but I didn't expect it.

"You know what our biggest difference is, Babe?" Ranger asked, suddenly.

I lifted my eyebrow. I knew what I thought our biggest difference was, but something told me that wasn't what Ranger was thinking.

"What?"

"I didn't know you missed me, until you told me. You don't tell me how you feel about me, and you certainly don't show me," he said. "I admit I'm not good at telling either, but I always try to show you how I feel."

I thought about earlier when I knew he missed me by his actions alone. I didn't need to hear the words. _I knew_! I always analyzed his words, but his actions were unmistakable. But me … I'm emotionally retarded, I thought. I'd always made sure I knew what the men in my life thought about me, but I didn't think about how they might've liked to know how I felt about them.

"I always thought our biggest difference was that you don't eat dessert. That's why I could never marry you," I said, looking at Ranger.

He looked at me for a beat. "Dessert?" he questioned.

"Yeah, dessert. You don't eat it, therefore when we eat dinner together I don't get to eat it, either. You don't think about the fact that I eat dessert when you order dinner."

"You're right. I don't eat dessert, so I don't order it," Ranger said, looking at me seriously. "The bigger issue is the fact that you're not willing to be with me because of it. Is that really a reason to keep us apart?"

I thought about it for a second. It wasn't that he didn't eat dessert. It was that I knew …

"Tell me what you're thinking," Ranger said. "You have more internal conversations than external."

"I knew there was never a chance that you'd want to marry me, so it was my excuse. I don't want to marry him anyway, since he doesn't even eat dessert," I said, suddenly feeling very exposed.

"This is why I do actions better," he said, sounding frustrated. "My words always come back to bite me in the ass."

"Ranger you've said more than once we don't have a future," I said. "Your lifestyle doesn't lend itself to relationships. Your love doesn't come with a ring."

"Does it have to come with a ring?" Ranger asked. "Why does it have to end in marriage?"

"I don't want to get married," I said, quietly.

"Then what's the problem?"

"You don't even want a relationship," I said, throwing my hands in the air. "I can't do sex with no commitment. I wasn't raised that way. You aren't wired for a committed relationship, and I'm not wired for a strictly sexual relationship. We're just different people with different requirements in life."

"How many years ago was it that I told you my lifestyle didn't lend itself to relationships?"

"I don't know," I said. "A few."

"I wasn't ready back then for what comes with a relationship. I wanted good sex," he said, grinning slightly, "with you. But not more."

"We already have more," I told him.

He cupped my cheek, brushing his thumb across my bottom lip. "Yes we do. So why'd you say yes to Joe?"

"You told me to," I said, shaking my head. "You didn't want me. You didn't want to have more with me."

"I was surprised by the proposal. It wasn't something I was expecting. You caught me off guard, and above anything I just wanted you to be happy. You didn't give me a reason to think you didn't want to marry him," he said, taking my hand in his. "It's not what I wanted, though. I wanted you. I want you. All of you."

He looked at me and brought my hand to his lips. "What do you want, Babe?"

"You," I whispered, hoping this wasn't too good to be true.

Ranger leaned in, touching his lips to mine. They were soft and full and throbbing, and I had a burning desire to have them touch every part of my body. But it didn't happen. He pulled away after a second, with a light nip on my bottom lip. I followed him, protesting loudly.

Ranger chuckled softly. "Can't have you getting distracted, Babe," he said. "I'm not finished talking yet."

"Talking? What happened to Mr. Opportunist?" I asked, leaning away from him.

He dragged me into his lap, straddling his hips. "I have some questions I want you to answer first," he said.

A yearning swept over me so quickly, sending my hormones into overdrive. I couldn't talk to him while I could feel his thick, muscular thighs under me. I wiggled, trying to move off his lap, but his hands held me tighter, pressing me to him, and the closer he held me the more dissatisfied I felt. My hands moved up his broad, muscled chest, molding us together as I shamelessly rubbed up against his rock-hard length.

"Jesus, Babe," Ranger gasped, capturing my mouth with hungry urgency.

I fisted my hands in his hair, kissing him back fiercely, savagely. An explicit come-and-get-me kiss. I wanted him, and by God as my witness I was going to have him. If I could just get him out of his pants and into my mouth he wouldn't want to talk any more.

His hands gripped my hips, trying to control my movements as he broke the kiss. I wasn't having any of that. Control be damned. I dipped my head and pressed my tongue to his pulse point, before drawing the skin into my mouth. His breath caught in his throat, and he hissed rapid Spanish as his precious control slipped away. He moved his hands possessively up my back, his fingers tangling in my hair, giving me all the encouragement I needed. I released the skin, provocatively nipped the spot, and moved to his jaw, kissing and nipping my way to his mouth. We locked eyes as my lips settled on his, warm and wet, and the intensity that reflected back at me quickened my heartbeat. His control was gone.

"What do you want, Babe?" he asked, his voice thick with desire.

"You," I said, running my hands down his face to his chest, touching and caressing his body. "All of you."

Ranger's hand slipped down the back of my pants, grabbing my ass and pulled me to him as his mouth crashed down on mine, hard and demanding. Wetness pooled between my legs, and I ached to have him buried deep inside me.

I pulled at his shirt until it was free from his pants, delirious for skin-to-skin contact. His skin was hot under my hands, impelling me to explore. I ran them along the smooth muscles on his belly, inching my way down his body until I found his straining erection and massaged him through his pants.

Ranger pulled his lips from mine and ripped my tank top off, throwing it to the side. His hands slid up my naked skin to my achingly swollen breasts, kneading and squeezing until my nipples were rigid with desire. I arched into him, whimpering and panting as my hands fought with his buckle to releasing him. He sprang out of his confines, and I wrapped my hand around his pulsing shaft, stroking him. His breathing halted for a second, my nipple pinched between his thumb and finger. He leaned forward catching my waiting nipple between his teeth, biting down. Uncontrollable, shuddering contractions erupted throughout my body, the orgasm hitting me fast and unexpectedly.

"Oh, my God!" I screamed, my head dropping back.

Ranger lifted his head from my breast and pulled my lips to his in a searing kiss. His tongue darted into my mouth, sending a fresh rush to my center.

I broke the kiss, panting from need and arousal. I watched Ranger through lowered lashes. His eyes were black and shiny, and his hair hung loose where I had pulled it from the ponytail. I slowly dropped to my knees in front of him and pushed him back into the couch. I wanted to make him feel as good as he made me feel.

Ranger's breath caught as I grabbed the base of his massive hard-on and gently ran my hand up and down the hard length. Leaning in, I ran my tongue in circles over the head, reveling in his gasp. I sucked the head into my mouth, enjoying the taste of him and the feel of smooth skin against my tongue. His hands were fisted at his sides, and his head was thrown back in pleasure. I increased my pace; licking and sucking him while running my hand over the part I couldn't fit in my mouth.

Ranger made a strangled sound and he grabbed my arms, dragging me up beside him on the couch. He roughly pulled my pants and panties down my leg, and before I realized what was happening, he thrust two long fingers inside of me. I screamed as the sensations washed over me, leaving me panting and wanting more. His fingers were magic inside of me, rubbing just the right spot, and I reached up and pulled his head down for a kiss.

His tongue probed my mouth in time with his fingers, and I felt the beginnings of a second orgasm rising in my body, working its way from my toes upward. By the time it reached my head, my entire body was humming with the need for release.

I gave a startled yelp as Ranger suddenly took his hand away, leaving me hanging on the edge between sanity and mind numbing pleasure. He was only gone long enough to shed the rest of his clothes and join me on the couch again.

He entered me with a long stoke, burying himself to the hilt. My head fell back against the couch, the pleasure almost too much, and I felt Ranger's teeth scraping my throat. He sucked a piece of skin into his mouth, marking me and I couldn't keep myself from craning my head further, exposing my neck completely to him.

I heard myself whimper and groan, the raw sounds alien to me. Ranger thrust in and out of me with furious strokes, his obvious need and passion for me as big a turn on as his mouth on my neck.

He moved down from my neck and sucked one of my achingly hard nipples into his mouth, biting down. It was all it took to send me flying again. The climax washed over me, goose bumps spreading over my body, my muscles tensing and releasing of their own accord. Somewhere far away, I heard Ranger growl his own release, but I was too far gone to reflect over it.

As the orgasm lessened its hold, I slowly came back to earth. I was panting and my body felt like I had just run a marathon. A very pleasurable one at that. I slowly opened my eyes giving Ranger a satisfied smile. He returned my smile with a lazy one of his own, and then suddenly he pulled me up, tossing me over his shoulder. I let out a screech, surprised at the sudden movement. Ranger moved across the room and tossed me in the middle of the bed. I laughed, bouncing a few times, and propped myself up on my elbows, watching the devilishly handsome man standing at the end of my bed.

"What am I going to do with you?" he asked, smiling his full 200-watts.

I bent my knees and planted my feet flat on the bed, my knees dropping to the sides. "What are the options?" I asked, grinning at him.

His eyes darkened as they moved up my exposed body.

"I have an option that I believe needs to be discussed in detail," I said, sliding my eyes to his impressive hard-on, and then back up his body.

"Oh?" he asked, grinning. "What is this option?"

"You own the building, so technically this is your apartment," I said, glancing at my closet. "And as you can see _all_ of my clothes are in your closet."

Ranger smiled. "And?"

"I think that qualifies us as a couple. What do you think?" I asked.

"I think you're right. This option needs thorough attention," he said, moving onto the bed.

I watched him crawl across the bed to me. He slid up my body, pressing me into the mattress.

"What kind of attention did you have in mind?" I asked, wrapping my legs around his waist.

"I think it's time I explain couple to you," he said and licked up my neck.

"If you feel you must," I said, grinning. "But next, I get to ride you like Zorro."


	10. Forever

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not making any money, and all the wonderful characters belong to the lovely JE**

**Rating: R**

**Warnings: References to LMT so consider yourself warned. I'm a babe. Not cupcake friendly, but no Joe bashing in any way.**

**Thank you very much Stayce for editing.**

**Title: Welcome Home**

**"Most people love you for who you pretend to be... to keep their love, you keep pretending--performing. You get to love your pretense... it's true, we're locked in an image, an act. And, the sad thing is, people get so used to their image--they grow attached to their masks. They love their chains. They forget all about who they really are. And, if you try to remind them, they hate you for it. They feel like you're trying to steal their most precious possession."**** _- James Douglas Morrison, lead singer of the Doors_**

Chapter Ten Forever 

I took one last look at myself in the full-length mirror before leaving the bedroom. The tight black dress and four inch FMPs I was wearing cost me a fortune, but Lula swore up and down that I looked so hot I'd have the FTA begging me to take him home within five minutes. I was doing a distraction job for RangeMan tonight. The FTA had jumped on a $300,000 bond after he defrauded the government of $1,000,000 in taxes. Needless to say Uncle Sam wasn't very happy with him.

Ranger was in a chair, leaned over his laptop typing away when I stepped out of the bedroom. I felt a rush of heat run down my body to my center. We'd been officially seeing each other for three months now, and I still couldn't get enough of him. It seemed like we both walked around in a constant state of arousal, and the fact that we'd had wild hot monkey sex two hours ago in the shower did nothing to stifle the instant need that flared up in me when I saw him. It still shocked me, but I'd never hungered for another man as I did for him.

"You ready, Babe," Ranger asked, his eyes still on the computer screen.

I didn't answer him. I was too busy watching the bunching muscles of his shoulders. A shudder of deep desire rippled over me, as I thought about the feel of his shoulders beneath my hands, warm and moist.

"Stephanie," Ranger said, bringing my attention to him.

My breath gave a little hitch. His voice was warm and masculine, sending a quiver through me almost as if he had touched me. He slowly stood up, his eyes raking over my body as he moved toward me, stalking me like I was his prey, ready to pounce as soon as I let my guard down for even a second.

I backed up a few steps with my hands held up to ward him off. It took me two hours to get ready, and I wasn't about to let him mess up all my hard work. I ran into the doorframe to the bedroom and took two steps to the side. I wouldn't want to tempt him with a bed so close. Not that it mattered. Ranger didn't need a bed to have me singing the Halleluiah chorus.

"Babe," he said, his voice husky.

"Don't you dare, Carlos Manoso," I said, holding my hands out in front of me.

A half-smile quirked the corners of his mouth and moved quickly, with his cat like reflexes, pinning me against the wall, my arms held by his hands above my head. His eyes were on me, black as coal, sucking me in with the intensity reflecting back at me. I felt my nipples instantly grow rigid, pushing hard against the fabric of my dress. He lowered his lips, brushing them against mine softly.

"You look amazing," he whispered against my mouth.

My tongue darted out of its own accord and licked his bottom lip. God help me, but I wanted him bad. Ranger caught my tongue between his lips, sucking on it. The sound that came from me, filling the room, was nothing short of animalistic, and before I knew it, he picked me up and slammed me into the wall. I wrapped my legs around his waist, using my heels to pull him to me and fisted my hands in his hair, pulling his mouth to mine. He kissed me back, hard and demanding. My heart was pounding, and my body was caught in a fever of need.

I pulled away from the kiss, breathless. "Fuck me, Ranger," I said, panting. "Fuck me!"

Ranger's eyes got darker if that was possible, and his hand moved down my body, reaching between us and ripped my panties off. I screamed from the pain mixed with intense arousal. And before I could catch my breath he roughly pushed two thick fingers into me. I couldn't stop the gasping cry at the resulting sensation. My head dropped back, hitting the wall as a pulsating, vibrating need filled my body.

"You're so fucking tight, Babe," he murmured, scraping his teeth across my exposed neck as his fingers pounded deep inside me, and I shamelessly rode them, feeling the orgasm building all the way from my toes in a slow burn.

His thumb rasped over my clit in enticing circles, bringing me quickly to the edge, and right as I started to fall over he pulled his fingers away, and sheathed himself inside me in one deep thrust, shattering me into a million pieces as the orgasm suddenly ripped through me. I grabbed onto his shoulders, desperate for something to hold on to as the incredible pleasure hummed through every cell of my body, making my head spin.

Ranger gripped my hips, thrusting into me, fast and frantic, prolonging my orgasm. My mouth was open in a silent scream, as I was taking agonizing gasps, fighting for more oxygen. Finally he jerked violently and groaned long and low, spilling himself into me.

My head dropped forward onto Ranger's shoulder and I buried my face in his neck, placing soft kisses every so often as my breathing came back to a controllable rate.

Ranger's hands left my hips and tenderly moved up my back, holding me close as he backed up and sat on a chair at the dinning room table. His heart was thundering against mine, and he felt damp with sweat through his clothes. I snuggled in closer, breathing in his warm scent. He was muttering Spanish in my ear and caressing my back and shoulders. I didn't know what he was saying, but it sounded sexy, and I was getting all hot and bothered all over again.

Ranger laughed softly, his chest vibrating against my already aching breasts. "You're insatiable, Babe."

"It's not my fault," I whispered in his ear. "I just can't get enough of you." I nipped his earlobe, and then sucked it into my mouth, rolling my tongue around it.

Ranger swore softly, his breathing turning ragged again, and I could feel him growing hard inside me.

"We don't have enough time, Babe," Ranger said.

But his body seemed to have another idea. I felt his hands run up my back and his fingers curled over my shoulders, pulling me back. My back arched, following his lead, and my head fell back. He leaned in and licked up the plunging v-neck of my dress to my mouth. His tongue slipped between my parted lips and found mine, dancing together in time with the sensual rhythm of our lovemaking.

Ranger slid a hand up to my hair, gently holding the back of my head in his palm as he brought me back up, never breaking our kiss and held me close to him. The franticness from earlier was gone as we moved together as one, kissing and touching in soft caresses until we found our release simultaneously.

It was a few minutes later, while we were still joined and lightly kissing when a cell phone rang from somewhere on the floor. Ranger reached down next to the chair leg and grabbed his cell, flipping it open.

"Yo," he said, sounding like he could care less about talking to anybody at the moment. I laid my head on his shoulder, satisfied and thinking about going to sleep.

"I know," I heard Ranger say. "Give us fifteen minutes." And he snapped the phone shut, dropping it back onto the floor.

His arms came around me and he let out the tiniest sigh. "That was Tank. We're late and he thought somebody might've abducted us." He laughed a little and kissed my temple. "I'm never late, but there seems to be this blue-eyed burnet that makes me forget all about work."

I smiled against his neck. "I tried to stop you from the get go, but you had that look in your eyes. It's your fault all this happened to begin with," I said.

"Yes, but I only planned on kissing you senseless. It was you that pulled out the big guns with the 'Fuck me, Ranger.' I was simply following orders," Ranger said. "But this second time was entirely your fault."

I brought my head up, looking him in the eyes. "Are you complaining?" I asked, knowing perfectly well that he wasn't.

"Not a chance," he said and gave me a lingering kiss. "You have ten minutes to get yourself put back together again."

I jumped up with a yelp and ran to the bedroom while tugging my dress back over my ass. Ranger laughed as I made my exit and suggested that I might want to grab a new pair of panties. That's a good idea, I thought. I wanted to get the guy out quickly, but going in commando was drawing the line.

I grabbed a black silk thong from Ranger's dresser draw, slipped it on, and rushed into the bathroom to assess the damage, fully prepared to scream, but it wasn't that bad. New lipstick, a few eye touchups, and mellow the hair out a bit and I'd be ready to go.

Ranger stepped in the bathroom five minutes later and leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed over his chest, his eyes watching me as I touched up my makeup. I set the lipstick back on the counter and ran my fingers through my hair trying to fix it.

"Leave it, Babe," Ranger said, softly. "I like your hair just the way it is."

I met his eyes in the mirror. "It's a mess, Ranger. It looks like …"

Ranger smiled. "Like you've been thoroughly fucked," he offered, pushing off the doorframe. "It's sexy."

He came up behind me, pressing me into the counter. His hands went to my hair, tangling his fingers in my curls. My eyes were locked with his through the mirror, and I was amazed at how much love and affection he openly displayed to me. There was a time, not so long ago, when I thought I'd never be here. Never be wrapped up in his arms every night that we weren't working. Never feel his hands on me, touching me all the way to my heart.

My eyes drifted closed, and I leaned back into his chest. His fingers were magic making it so easy to forget the outside world and get lost in each other.

"You up for this tonight, Babe?" Ranger asked, his voice serious.

I opened my eyes, meeting his again. "Yeah, I am. We need to get this guy. Our time is running out, and tonight is the perfect opportunity," I said.

"You'd tell me if you're head wasn't in it, right. I can't and won't risk your safety for any job," he said, wrapping his arms around me.

I whirled around and brought his mouth to mine, thoroughly kissing him and leaving us both breathless.

"I love you," I said with ease.

It was strange to me now, how saying the three words to him was once hard for me. And though I still didn't say it often, when I did say it there was no mistaking how deeply I meant it.

A slow smile spread across Ranger's lips and he leaned down, brushing a soft kiss against my forehead. He worked his way down my face, kissing my eyes, my nose, my cheeks, and finally my lips.

"And I love you," he whispered against my mouth. "Let's get going.

I followed Ranger out of the bathroom, grabbed my little handbag that I stashed all my goodies in earlier, and we left the apartment.

When we exited the elevator Tank, Ram, and Manny were leaning against their SUV, arms crossed, clearly waiting on us. I felt the heat rise up my neck to my ears. The apartment was sounding better by the minute. They were going to tease me for weeks about this. There was no way they didn't know exactly why we were late. I knew none of them were stupid enough to ask, but the cat-caught-the-canary grins plastered on their lips said it all.

"Shit," I said, trying to step back in the elevator. Ranger's hand on the small of my back stopped me and gently pushed me forward.

Ram pushed off the SUV and held something up in his hand, smirking at me. "Where should I put the wire?" he asked.

Manny and Tank laughed, but turned it into a fake cough when Ranger growled from behind me.

"Mine," I heard him say, and I didn't need to see the look on his face to know how serious he was.

Ranger took the wire out of Ram's hands and escorted me to the Turbo. We got in and lead the way out of the garage, arriving at Mike's Sports Bar ten minutes later. Ranger quickly hooked the wire in place with the minimal amount of finger wandering as I looked over Craig Skaug's file one last time.

"Go get 'em Tiger," Ranger said and kissed me softly.

I got out of the Turbo and sashayed my ass across the street and through the door to the bar. I located Lester right when I walked in at the back of the bar. He'd been watching the FTA and was my inside protection, if I needed it. He flashed me a sexy smile while shaking his head. I felt like maybe I should spin for him. I threw him a wink and headed for the bar.

My guy was on a bar stool right in the middle of the bar, and he looked like he was well on his way. The bar stool right next to him was empty, but I didn't want to be too obvious, so I plopped down on one two down from him.

"What can I get you, Beautiful?" the bartender asked me.

"Corona with a lime," I said, flashing him a smile.

When the bartender moved to get my beer I met the eyes of Craig Skaug. He was watching me, and I didn't like the look in his eyes. It wasn't I-think-you're-hot-and-want-to-take-you-home. He looked like he was trying to remember something.

The bartender brought me the Corona and I handed him a five. I casually took a drink while I looked around for Lester. I had a really bad feeling that the guy recognized me some how. I just caught Lester's eyes when Skaug slid down the two stools that separated us. Lester smirked, and I saw his lips moving. I subtly tried to shake my head, telling him I wasn't comfortable. The smirk left his lips, and he started to get up talking quickly to the guys outside.

"I know you from somewhere," Skaug finally said.

I saw Lester move quickly out of the corner of my eye, but I smiled at the guy in front of me. "Really? I've never seen you before," I said, taking another pull from my beer.

He continued to stare at me, and I had to fight outwardly shivering under his scrutiny. I needed to get away from this guy. He wasn't dangerous that we knew of, but he was making me nervous as hell.

"I know I've seen you before. What's your name?" he asked, leaning into me.

I picked up my beer bottle, stalling for time, and took a long pull while I watched him. There was a very subtle change in his eyes, but I saw it. He knew who I was. The question was what was he going to do about it? Would he go with me quietly, or was he willing to hurt me to get away? I needed to say something, to warn the guys that he knew me, but the pressure in my chest was too great to allow the words to escape.

Skaug reached forward, touching my cheek, and it took all my will power not to flinch. "Pictures do you no justice. You're a stunning woman. I think I'm quite flattered that I rate high enough to deserve your attention," he said, taking his hand away. He took a drink from the glass in front of him without taking his eyes off me. "Let me take a guess here. You're job is to come in, turn on the charm, and lead me out by my dick."

The knot in my stomach was tightening. I didn't know what I was hoping for. Maybe that he'd just figure he was caught and go out the door with me. It was silly really, since nothing ever happens that easily for me. Granted since I'd been back at RangeMan and slowly working my way back into fieldwork things have worked out great. I figured that had more to do with the Merry Man I was riding shotgun with, though.

"So tell me how this works. I walk out the door with you, and you take me to jail?" he asked, taking another sip from his drink.

Relief flooded my body, but I quickly squashed it. He hadn't said he'd go with me, he was just wondering how it worked.

"Yes that's how it works," I said, keeping my eyes on him.

"And if I don't _let _you take me?" he asked.

I almost snorted thinking about the Merry Men waiting outside the door and listening to everything we said. "You don't really have a choice in the matter. You either come quietly or by force, but either way, you're going to jail tonight."

He tipped his head back and laughed. I gave a hard swallow wishing that just once a man wouldn't laugh at me. It pissed me off and suddenly I felt something snap inside me. I grabbed the back of his head and slammed his face into the bar. There was a crunch and glass breaking and a low scream of pain. I didn't care anymore. I was beyond sick of being a joke. The little girl that always fucked up and nobody took seriously.

I leaned in letting my lips skim his ear as I stood up. "You should never laugh at a woman. We tend to take it as an insult."

Moving around Skaug, I held my hand out to Lester. He placed the cuffs in my hand with a smirk, and I immediately attached them to Skaug's wrists, tightening them a little too much. I grabbed his elbow and helped him from his stool. The bar was covered in glass and red liquid where the blood mixed with his drink.

"I'm sorry about the mess. I'll be happy to pay for any damages," I said, looking at the bartender.

He smiled at me. "Don't worry about it, beautiful. No harm done."

I nodded and led Skaug out the door. Lester was close behind us, watching for any sudden movements. I could tell Skaug was pissed as hell, but he was cooperating. I wasn't cocky, so I knew it wasn't because he was afraid of what else I might do to him. No he was worried about the big man breathing down his neck. I couldn't help but chuckle thinking about the other four big men we'd see in another second. We stepped through the door and came to a solid wall of muscle. They lost their scariness, though, since they were all grinning like idiots. I rolled my eyes and handed Skaug off to Ram and Manny. I pulled the wire out of my dress, handing it to Tank and walked across the street.

Ranger was leaning against the Turbo, eyes watchful. The corners of his lips were tipped up, and I knew that it wasn't about me being entertainment. All the guys thoroughly enjoyed that I didn't allow Skaug to make me his entertainment, his joke. I walked to Ranger, never taking my eyes off him. I was starting to shake a bit. The adrenaline rush was starting to fade, and I wasn't used to it. Ranger pulled me to him once I was within reach, wrapping me up in his warmth, lending me his strength.

"Breath, Steph," he whispered in my ear, tightening his arms around me.

I was shaking a bit, but I'd dealt with worse. I took a few deep breaths and my heart rate slowed down.

Ranger brought my head out from the safety of his shoulder and kissed me softly. "You did a good job, Babe. You kept your cool and handled the situation like a pro."

"I'm hungry," I told Ranger, suddenly remembering we'd skipped dinner for a more enjoyable activity.

"Where do you wanna go?" he asked, opening the Turbo passenger door.

I smiled, still feeling a bit brave. "Pino's," I said.

I hadn't been there since before the breakup with Joe. I'd been staying away from Burg restaurants, but I figured it was time to move on with life. Ranger took my hand and gave it a squeeze. He didn't even have to say it anymore. I knew when he was proud of me.

Ranger pulled into the parking lot at Pino's a few minutes later and we got out, going inside. We hadn't taken more than four steps when I saw Joe, leaning against the bar, waiting for a takeout order. Our eyes met, and I was suddenly very aware of how many people were in the restaurant right then, watching us, ready to report the fight as it happened.

I moved forward, being guided by Ranger and came to a stop in front of Joe. Ranger brought my hand to his mouth and brushed his lips across my palm. The action normally had me instantly hot and needing to feel him buried deep inside me, but this time it filled me with strength and love.

"I'm gonna grab us a table, Babe," he said, quietly. He met Morelli's eyes and gave him a small nod before moving to a back booth.

I watched him walk away for a moment, and then turned my attention to Joe. I wasn't sure what to say, but I knew I was glad to see him. I'd missed him. We may not be compatible as a couple, but we'd always made excellent friends.

Joe's eyes left mine and followed Ranger. "How long?" he asked, keeping his eyes on Ranger.

I didn't answer him right away. I really wasn't sure how to answer the question. There was no doubt what the question meant, but was there a point to giving him the exact time frame? He turned away from Ranger and looked at me, his cop face in place. It was at that moment that I knew we'd never be able to be friends. Hot tears blurred my vision. I tried to blink them away, but they kept burning my eyes.

"A few months," I finally answered him, my voice breaking slightly.

"Just do me a favor and don't send me an invitation to the wedding," he said.

I flinched as the harshness in his voice. "There won't be a wedding," I told him.

The cop face slipped off, and a small smile appeared on his lips, but it faded quickly. I watched as he figured out that that's exactly what I wanted, a relationship without the marriage. Something he wasn't willing to do. He wanted the wedding and a family and a quite Burg life. I was an adrenaline-junkie, and so was Ranger. We didn't need the wedding, and our life wasn't going to be normal in anyway.

"A match made in heaven," Joe said.

He reached up and tucked a curl behind my ear, kissed my forehead, and turned me to Ranger. I looked over my shoulder and gave him a soft smile before walking away from him. A single tear slid down my cheek. I wiped it away and sat down across from Ranger, but couldn't help from looking back at Joe. He gathered his takeout and walked out the door without a backward glance. I felt the hurt return to my heart again. He didn't deserve what happened. He was a good man, and he loved me the only way he knew how. It had to end, though. I was doing more damage by keeping the lie going. But I still couldn't help but wonder, which would hurt the most: telling the truth and walking away, or saying nothing and living a lie.

I looked away from the door and to the man sitting across from me. Ranger's face was set and expressionless. I reached across the table and entwined our hands, his fingers filling the space between mine. His eyes softened and we leaned in, meeting in the middle of the table for a tender kiss. I rested my forehead against his for just a moment before returning to my seat. He was my present, my future, my forever. I knew that without having to ask and without second-guessing myself. There'd never be another man to complete me the way he did. I knew he wasn't perfect, and I knew he wasn't a superhero, but he was _my_ hero. And those hero types were few and far between. I planned on holding onto mine.

THE END


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